I want to change my behavior.
Begin with what makes a pattern concerning, how recovery can be defined, and the difference between stopping a behavior and building a life that supports change.
Recovery resources
Information to help
you find your footing.
A place to understand recovery, make sense of relationship concerns, and find questions worth bringing to a conversation. Read at your own pace, with room for your own experience.
Start with what matters to you
Find a place
to begin reading.
Some days you may want to understand a pattern. On others, you may need language for what has happened in your relationship. Choose the route that fits the question you are carrying today.
I have been betrayed.
Make room for your own experience: the uncertainty, the need for information and boundaries, and decisions that may take time. You are not responsible for managing another person’s recovery.
Questions for betrayed partners ↗
These are general resources. I do not currently provide standalone individual therapy for betrayed partners.
We are trying to find a way forward.
Explore how accountability differs from reassurance, why changed behavior and rebuilt trust are different, and what it means to make decisions without a predetermined outcome.
You can use these pages to reflect or prepare questions. They cannot determine a diagnosis, whether a relationship is safe, or which treatment is right for you. The information does not require you to identify as an addict or decide whether to stay in a relationship.
A clearer recovery map
Stability. Understanding.
Change in daily life.
These are broad areas of work rather than fixed stages. The person changing behavior, the betrayed partner, and the couple may each need different support.
Create more stability.
Identify immediate concerns, reduce ongoing harm, and consider boundaries and support. Daily routines and physical health can need attention alongside what first brought you to seek help.
Understand the pattern and its impact.
Explore the feelings, beliefs, habits, and relationships around the behavior. For a betrayed partner, understanding what happened should not mean accepting blame for someone else’s choices.
Practice and adjust.
Put insight into everyday choices, agreements, and ways of responding to difficulty. Review what is working and what needs more support. A setback is a reason to examine the plan, not evidence that every effort was meaningless.
Patrick Carnes’s task-based recovery framework informs some of these resources. It can help organize the work while leaving room to revisit what needs attention. Learn about the first seven tasks.
Before a first conversation
Questions you
are welcome to ask.
You can take time to understand a therapist’s approach before choosing care.
About the work.
- How would we decide what needs attention first?
- What does progress look like beyond stopping a behavior?
- How do you approach sexuality, identity, and personal values?
About fit and support.
- When might individual, group, or couples work be appropriate?
- How are privacy and each person’s role handled?
- What might ongoing support involve, and what would it cost?
Watch & reflect
Ideas to bring to a conversation.
Checking in with yourself
A discussion of the Personal Craziness Index (PCI), a reflection tool used in some recovery work. Bring questions about whether a tool fits your needs.
Understanding recovery challenges
A conversation about emotional patterns and recovery. This is educational material, not an individualized assessment or treatment plan.
Tools you can use
Try a reflection, or bring a question from a book.
Four short, original practices help you pause during an urge, notice a pattern, think about accountability, or make a difficult conversation more workable. A reading companion covers Facing the Shadow, Recovery Zone Volumes 1 and 2, Help Her Heal, and Facing Heartbreak.
Practical recovery reflections
Start with one question you can use today. No workbook is required.
Using a recovery workbook
See who each book may help and what questions are worth bringing to a therapist or group.
Keep exploring
Different ways to reflect.
Explore recovery tools and articles in the journal, or get in touch with questions about therapy.
Start with a conversation.
Ask your questions, talk about what brings you here, and see whether working together feels right.