Make room for the impact
Hurt, anger, confusion, shame, and uncertainty may all be present. Each person needs room to speak, and responsibility for the affair remains with the person who chose it.
Infidelity recovery · Couples therapy in California
After an affair,
where do we begin?
An affair can leave both people with urgent questions: what happened, what is still true, and whether the relationship can continue. You do not have to call it an addiction to take those questions seriously.
Request a consultation A free, 15-minute conversation.
A place to start
The first task is to understand what each of you needs now.
One partner may be looking for answers while the other is afraid that any answer will make things worse. Conversations can swing between urgency and avoidance. Couples therapy offers a structured place to slow those exchanges and name what is happening.
I work with couples after an affair, sexual secrecy, or broken agreements, whether or not addiction is part of the story. We can discuss the impact of the choices made without deciding in advance that the relationship must end or be repaired.
What the work can involve
Clarity before promises.
Discuss honesty and boundaries
We can explore what information is needed, how to talk about difficult questions, and what agreements are realistic now. Therapy is not a substitute for honesty outside the room.
Notice the pattern between you
Repeated questioning, defensiveness, withdrawal, or pressure to “move on” can keep both people stuck. We can work on having conversations that are more direct and less reactive.
Consider the future carefully
Some couples hope to rebuild. Others are unsure whether to stay together. The aim is to support thoughtful choices, not to promise reconciliation.
A practical way to think about recovery
Three parts of the work.
There is no fixed timeline, but these questions can help you understand where to begin.
1. Stabilize.
Address immediate concerns, agree on short-term boundaries, and consider what each person needs to feel able to participate in a conversation. If there is fear, coercion, intimidation, or violence, joint therapy may not be the right starting point.
2. Understand.
Talk about the affair and its impact with care. Explore accountability and the conditions needed for clearer communication, without making the betrayed partner responsible for the deception.
3. Decide and rebuild, if chosen.
Consider whether to continue together and what actions would support that choice. Trust is shaped over time by behavior, consent, and each person’s readiness; it cannot be scheduled.
These are guideposts, not steps every couple moves through in order. A consultation can help us consider whether couples therapy fits your circumstances.
Common questions
What if we are not on the same page?
Do we need to agree to stay together before starting?
No. Uncertainty can be part of what you bring. We can talk about your different hopes and whether joint work is appropriate.
Does one of us need an addiction diagnosis?
No. Couples can seek help after infidelity or secrecy without treating it as an addiction. If concerns about compulsive sexual behavior are present, we can discuss them without assuming they explain every affair.
Can the betrayed partner work with you individually?
My individual therapy is for the person seeking help with their own sexual or pornography-related behavior. I do not offer standalone individual therapy for betrayed partners. In couples work, both partners are part of the treatment; we can discuss separate support when useful.
What if one partner feels unsafe?
Tell me privately before a joint session if there is fear, coercion, intimidation, or violence. We can consider whether a different form of support is more appropriate.
Ways to work together
Choose the amount of time that fits.
Ongoing couples therapy
Regular sessions allow you to return to difficult conversations and review what happens between appointments. Couples sessions are $200 for 45 minutes.
Couples intensive
For couples seeking a more concentrated format, I offer a separate three-day intensive for $2,000. We can discuss its structure and whether it is a fit for you.
My practice is private pay and online for eligible clients physically located in California. A free 15-minute consultation is a chance to ask about fit and availability. See fees and contact details, or read questions for couples and information for betrayed partners.
Start with a conversation.
Tell me a little about what brings you here and what questions you have. We can talk about whether couples work is appropriate.